Dad, or Papa as I call him, arrived in town last week and therefore my slight lack of time. He’s in town for just a few days and it’s been quite interesting to have him around. One thing about Papa is that he flowers when Mum is not around. He’s talkative, chatty and engages everyone in some kind of conversation or another.
Also, having read a lot through his life (newspapers, mainly; he subscribes to about 6–7 of them back home) he always has some information to share about anything under the sun. I’ve been introducing him to my circle of friends in Bangalore and he seems to be taking it all quite well in his stride. Back home, however, I feel he’s a little different. More reticent and not so free.
There’s also that slight shift in the equation in our relationship now. Earlier, I would not really bother to introduce him to any of my friends (especially the guys) since I’d be scared that he wouldn’t like them. Or it was mainly out of rebellion. Or that he’d scare them away :) In that phase of my life (especially in college), I didn’t want to share anything, including my life and friends.
Now, it’s pretty different. Last Friday, I took him to Shiok for crab (again!) with Deki and hubby, Retisaint and Ree for company and we had a really enjoyable evening over a few drinks and Madman’s delicious food.
A few years ago, I couldn’t even imagine a friend over for a drink and Papa giving company. On Sunday evening, I called over a friend who wanted to taste Assamese food. Dad cooked a dish called khar, I cooked fish. They had a few drinks. A long discussion over dinner ensued while I kept the fish fry and chicken drumsticks happening on their plates. Another 2 friends joined in well after 10.30 pm. If my mother was there, she would have thrown the biggest fuss and probably ex-communicated all of us :)
Interestingly, a friend who came home on Friday evening asked if my dad influenced me in any way. And I guess, I have to admit that in more subtle ways he has over the years (besides my inheriting some of his really bad habits like collecting junk!).
The other thing that I only appreciate today (and didn’t really realize the value of earlier) is that he’s never ever forced my sister or me to do anything. He does offer his opinion upfront about everything we do, but he never forces or has forced us to do anything he wanted. And I do realize that it has been one of his greatest strengths in bringing up the two of us. Mom on the other hand is very vociferous about her opinions. In fact, anything to the contrary, and she would be upset for days (even years!).
This is a gem from Papa (he keeps sharing these tidbits on different occasions!). The more I think about it, the more I feel it’s true (ladies and gentlemen, do correct me if you feel otherwise :-).
My friend and Papa were having his conversation about life, marriage and other such affairs of the heart when he told her that are basically two kinds of women (from men’s point of view) : the ones who are coy, shy, coquettish and are basically helpless (or act that way) : Type A : I will call it.
The others are the WYSIWYG kinds : upfront, frank, independent and more in your face : Type B for reference. The interesting point he made was that while guys usually like to take out or go out with the Type B kind, it’s usually the Type A kind they finally marry.
I was going to object first, but the more I thought about what he said, the more it made sense. I am actually inclined to agree that he is right. This is exactly what happens in most cases. Guys, you are free to object here :)
Besides lots of thought for food, he’s also been rearranging my kitchen, making me eat several different concoctions (healthy stuff for different parts of the body :), fresh orange juice in the morning and healthy snacks in the evening!
Sadly, after a rather hectic and short week, he leaves for home tomorrow.
yr dad is really cool. p and i were laughing over his “and where are these gentlemen from?” (referring to the crabs)…for a long time afterward. and yes, i can relate to what y’re feeling now…my dad was here for a month and it felt awful when he left. i had gotten quite used to bed tea and tibetan food :)
Posted by aqua | June 7, 2005, 3:01 pm:)
Posted by shub | June 7, 2005, 3:08 pmHey , Nice post. I can relate to it.
I can sense your respect & luv for your ol’ man in it :)
Posted by Muthu Online | June 7, 2005, 3:59 pmSuch a relationship is very special. Treasure it!
Posted by Kapil | June 7, 2005, 4:20 pmAnita,Seems like an emotional blogposting. It would be nice if you post some pics of your dad.
Posted by Venky Krishnamoorthy | June 8, 2005, 12:34 amNice post but I have to disagree with the Type A, Type B thing. I don’t think that is true these days at least.
I think guys are pretty broadminded. The more I think, I think they might end up marrying Type A because they didn’t get what they saw ;). Help me out here guys…
Posted by Sam | June 8, 2005, 10:03 amHow about looking at it from a different angle —
There are 2 types of women–
[i] upfront, frank, independent and more in your face — before marriage!
[ii] coy, shy, coquettish and are basically helpless (or “act” that way) — after marriage. The operative word here is ‘act’ :)
Posted by Adel | June 8, 2005, 10:21 ammade-me-smile kind of post :) role reversal, the blurring of lines (of authority) between parent and child — I think all of us can relate to this — and here I was, wondering why you have not been blogging rgularly!
Posted by charu | June 8, 2005, 10:42 amAnita, Nice post. My dad lives in Bangalore, and I don’t see much of him nowadays, but it made me think of all the time I should be spending with him. Thanks for the sentiment.
Posted by Krishnan | June 8, 2005, 11:34 amLiked your sentiments for your dad, I have a great friendship with my dad !! could relate to everything which you wrote.
Posted by hemanth | June 8, 2005, 12:59 pmAnd may I add — type A women work in a job and type B women work in careers and are “ambitious” which is another reason why most guys prefer the former to the latter .. And this is not my statement — has been validated by “MBA — MNC working” Males !
Posted by Vanita | June 8, 2005, 2:01 pmAgree with you. Totally and absolutely.Life teaches ya yeah …
Posted by crab | June 8, 2005, 3:28 pmHm. My quote. The average Indian male is an asshole and is virgin.
Posted by Suman | June 8, 2005, 9:33 pmmy old man is away in Seychelles on business..:( havent seen him for a while..so this post makes me feel sad :( after coming back to India first thing i need to do is visit Madman’s Shiok!
Posted by IBH | June 8, 2005, 9:42 pmHi Anita..first time on your blog..
It’s so nice..Your writing style is good..
Posted by Gangadhar Ambati | June 9, 2005, 6:38 pm:-)
My mum’s a single parent, but I share a father-daughter bond with my grandpa.
People say your mom’s your first teacher in life. I’d like to add that your dad’s your first best friend :o) The sole person who’ll understand why you’d want to eat ice-cream late in the night, the sole person who’d understand why you drool over a phone. The sole person who’ll be okay with you jumping puddles.
Nice to know you share a very special relationship with your Dad. :-) Keep it up, n let him know often. He’ll appreciate that — a lot!
Posted by Finch, Scout | June 9, 2005, 9:11 pmYou Type B?
Posted by Danto | June 10, 2005, 10:35 amYes, Yes and yes. and I know why.
But first a few words about your dad. He is one of the most interesting people (in the dads category), I have encountered. Very funny extremely wise, curteous and he has got a ton of apt wisecracks… All said and done, he bought back khar into my life…
Type B women are scary. They tend to upset the balance. A guy basically is a status quoist caught between the new girl and the mom (dads always are cool). He is brought up, to maintain continuity and shelter parents. The type B women donot give him that confidence atall. Type B women tend to be modernist whereas moms are traditionalist. He dreads the thought that the new type B girl might severely judge his traditional mom. Ofcourse the mom with her traditional is best attitude doesent help too much.
Whereas his sister is brought up to let go and fly free. Many times the sister is another type B.
One statement your dad made that day was prophetic “The wheel comes a full turn” and he said it in assameese, I forgot that yaar.
funny but I have to agree on this with your dad.
vasu
Posted by vasu | June 12, 2005, 1:16 pmNice post :)
btw, hey our bloggers meet photo is on the hindu!
http://www.hindu.com/mag/2005/06/12/stories/2005061200260400.htm
Posted by Aditya | June 12, 2005, 8:05 pmNice post! Women will be women — a final commaon pathway — vocalists tend to remain vocalists after marriage while the pacifiats become vocalists after marriage …yep we guys are done for anyway!!!
Posted by Sandeep | June 12, 2005, 10:34 pmoh!! that was a lovely post Anita… after really really long i have read something really personal from your life here…
Congratulations on having such a wonderful family…reminds me of my own.
Maybe its such families that produce the TYPE B girls… and less men want to marry them or remain married to them…lol…
Just joking…
Take good care of yourself..
Lavannya
Posted by lavannya | June 13, 2005, 8:04 amExcellent post!
Posted by Anirudh | June 13, 2005, 12:35 pmawww…glad to read this post!
ur dad is a cool dude! Kook Koshent is like, way up there ya!!
he reminds me so much of my dad and how much i miss him!
And about that Type A and Tyoe B wala funda, it’s more like these men come home to their mammas and say ” I want that goree-chipkalee, with long silky hair, porcelain skin, traditional yet modern n one with family values and of course a *&%$#@ for a wife” Pheww.…sounds like all that these men need is a Washing machine, a TV and a Door Mat!
but bascially Type A are lot like Type Bs too, in an alter ego sorta way!
rEEna
Posted by reena | June 13, 2005, 5:26 pmhi.. just got your blogsite from prasants. interesting… hmmm.
Posted by Rajdeep | June 13, 2005, 10:01 pmIts great when people in their old age interacts and gels well with people who are young. There is so much of respect both ways. The one thing that i enjoy when iam with much older people are their amazing stories and knowledge on people’s character.
Do convey all our regards to him!
Manoj
http://www.studentconcepts.blogspot.com
Posted by Manoj Kumar | June 14, 2005, 12:47 amWish every one has a dad like that
Posted by ankur | June 14, 2005, 2:42 pmI would agree with your dad’s view though i think Anita times are changing. I suppose at least some of the guys would like to marry the type b girls, the type b girls themselves are unsure about marriage being more focused on primarily their careers. Also most of the guys do take their family considerations in mind while marryig and indian families still prefer the type a girls. in fact there was a small movie on star one a few days back which showed that while the herione changed to a type b from type a to get a boyfriend and was successful, she was spurned by her boy friends for marriage for being type b.
Posted by Sid | June 15, 2005, 5:29 pmNice post, Anita. Quite an heartfelt one too! Yes, I agree with his approach i.e never force on one’s children what a parent wants/desires/lacks!!
Posted by Ravi | June 16, 2005, 11:38 amRegarding the type A and type B thing u may be right but these days the scenario is changing. Guys usually like girls who r confident , smart , who speak well , and moreover who r patient and understanding .So to me at least no particular type does good infact what i am looking for is a perfect blend of A and B.Anyway that is what i feel maybe some wont agree .……
Posted by Ahaan | June 18, 2005, 6:41 pm