Comments on: The view from here http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/ Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:47:48 +0530 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Anita http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-168323 Anita Tue, 13 Feb 2007 09:33:14 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-168323 jessica: that's a really interesting perspective. and i whole heartedly agree with the fact that "women are realizing (more and more) that they do not need a man to complete them." amit: thanks for your first comment here :) <i>I often see that the age of long meaningful relationships too is passé.</i> - It might increasingly be the trend, but I hope this is just a passing phase! and i would agree with the fact that the baggage does come into the way and act as a deterrent once you're older! twilight: nice to see you here after ages too!! why are they blocking me? I am a nice person, please tell them! exactly the point we come down to eventually! where are they? :) r a levin: i don't think there are any answers either. probably some trends of the way life is going that has to be accepted and dealt with! and btw, by your description, there's definitely no hope for you ;) jessica: that’s a really interesting perspective. and i whole heartedly agree with the fact that “women are realizing (more and more) that they do not need a man to complete them.”

amit: thanks for your first comment here :)
I often see that the age of long meaningful relationships too is passé. — It might increasingly be the trend, but I hope this is just a passing phase! and i would agree with the fact that the baggage does come into the way and act as a deterrent once you’re older!

twilight: nice to see you here after ages too!! why are they blocking me? I am a nice person, please tell them!

exactly the point we come down to eventually! where are they? :)

r a levin: i don’t think there are any answers either. probably some trends of the way life is going that has to be accepted and dealt with! and btw, by your description, there’s definitely no hope for you ;)

]]> By: R.A. Levin http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-166757 R.A. Levin Fri, 09 Feb 2007 17:42:32 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-166757 This sort of ties in with the age old canard/query: "What do Women Want?" It's kind of an odd question. If you're using the word Women, to describe some sort of monolithic social group who all think exactly alike and all come from identical cultures, you'll never get an answer. Chances are, if you're male and you do get "The Answer" it will be the one you didn't want. I'm a perpetual Batchelor, who would be impossible to live with at this point. Too set in my ways and perhaps a bit too much like Homer Simpson minus the Beer. I could go the route of the Personal Advert. (Just for research purposes, naturally!)Pudgy impoverished teatotal vegetarian dude, 42 y.o.a., who likes roaming the living room in his 'Y' Fronts. Burps uncontrollably after every meal and has an opinion about everything, seeks incredibly artificial looking wealthy supermodel. Only replies with pic. will be honoured. A few days later........."Hmmm.More spam.....Another Fellow from Nigeria asking me for some help in re-directing his funds from his bank account to mine....and "Re: If you like Pina Coladas/Re: Your personal ad." It's got an attachment so this one has got to be serious! I'll be shallow and open that bit first. She's got blue hair?! Why does the name Midge sound so familiar? Something's rotten in Springfield!" This sort of ties in with the age old canard/query: “What do Women Want?” It’s kind of an odd question.
If you’re using the word Women, to describe some sort of monolithic social group who all think exactly alike and all come from identical cultures, you’ll never get an answer. Chances are, if you’re male and you do get “The Answer” it will be the one you didn’t want.
I’m a perpetual Batchelor, who would be impossible to live with at this point. Too set in my ways and perhaps a bit too much like Homer Simpson minus the Beer.
I could go the route of the Personal Advert. (Just for research purposes, naturally!)Pudgy impoverished teatotal vegetarian dude, 42 y.o.a., who likes roaming the living room in his ‘Y’ Fronts. Burps uncontrollably after every meal and has an opinion about everything, seeks incredibly artificial looking wealthy supermodel. Only replies with pic. will be honoured.
A few days later.….….“Hmmm.More spam.….Another Fellow from Nigeria asking me for some help in re-directing his funds from his bank account to mine.…and “Re: If you like Pina Coladas/Re: Your personal ad.” It’s got an attachment so this one has got to be serious!
I’ll be shallow and open that bit first. She’s got blue hair?! Why does the name Midge sound so familiar? Something’s rotten in Springfield!”

]]> By: Twilight Fairy http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-165040 Twilight Fairy Tue, 06 Feb 2007 10:40:41 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-165040 Here after so long! Your blog in particular is blocked at work :p. And I can so so so identify with this topic! Where are the good eligible men, please tell me. Everyone I meet, either gets intimidated or is not interested in something like "lasting commitment". And these days, people are so short of time that they dont even want to explore the possibilities of a relationship - they would rather stick to their inertia laden lives. Here after so long! Your blog in particular is blocked at work :p.

And I can so so so identify with this topic! Where are the good eligible men, please tell me. Everyone I meet, either gets intimidated or is not interested in something like “lasting commitment”. And these days, people are so short of time that they dont even want to explore the possibilities of a relationship — they would rather stick to their inertia laden lives.

]]> By: Amit http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-164940 Amit Tue, 06 Feb 2007 06:54:06 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-164940 Anita, a nice, thoughtful post. straight up, inquisitive and non-judgemental as always. and my first comment here :) Im not sure if choosing to remain single is just about 'marriage'. I often see that the age of lomg meaningful relationships too is passe'. I have consistently seen the average age of an 'unmarried' reln slipping from say an average of about 2 years to something as short as 3-4 months in the last 2-3 years. Has happened to me and has happened to SO many of my friends. And these aren't just flings, but meaninful relationships with a strong emotional content too. One reason is definitely the social changes and stuff related to women. another would be the fact that most men too (the ones to whom this would apply - single, 28-35 yrs, climbing up well, making good money) have grown beyond their thinking of their 20-25 yr time. men in this bracket have already seen there done that. most have had their share of varied relationships and have come to expect a lot more from a woman than just a pretty face and hot body. so now both men and women want not just physical and emotional attraction but also a host of other things like common likes, similar friends, similar lifestyle..yada yada. In my opinion, at the end of the day, these times are just a function of the age, the life experiences, cynicism and lack of trust in others. if you kinda think about the age of 'these' singles - i bet the number of them under 28 yrs could be counted within half the fingers on a hand. After a a certain age, single men and women come across a lot of similar singles, but no one trusts the other one as in – oh he isn’t really looking for commitment, oh she isn’t looking to settle down. And then problems of all the past baggage, and looking back. And also the inability to like really really get interested in someone - you know THAT interest that makes one pursue and pursue. And then scares of ruining friendships through romance. and most would be commitment phobes. I mean look at it this way, some one who was predisposed towards commitment, would have already committed earlier than reach a 30 years, right? :)So all in all, you have a whole bunch of eligible people who are all so good together and none of them seem to be getting hitched. Oh well, so goes on life. lets see what the esteemed vatal nagaraj has in store for us the next few days in Bangalore :). ciao Amit Anita, a nice, thoughtful post. straight up, inquisitive and non-judgemental as always. and my first comment here :)

Im not sure if choosing to remain single is just about ‘marriage’. I often see that the age of lomg meaningful relationships too is passe’. I have consistently seen the average age of an ‘unmarried’ reln slipping from say an average of about 2 years to something as short as 3–4 months in the last 2–3 years. Has happened to me and has happened to SO many of my friends. And these aren’t just flings, but meaninful relationships with a strong emotional content too. One reason is definitely the social changes and stuff related to women. another would be the fact that most men too (the ones to whom this would apply — single, 28–35 yrs, climbing up well, making good money) have grown beyond their thinking of their 20–25 yr time. men in this bracket have already seen there done that. most have had their share of varied relationships and have come to expect a lot more from a woman than just a pretty face and hot body. so now both men and women want not just physical and emotional attraction but also a host of other things like common likes, similar friends, similar lifestyle..yada yada. In my opinion, at the end of the day, these times are just a function of the age, the life experiences, cynicism and lack of trust in others. if you kinda think about the age of ‘these’ singles — i bet the number of them under 28 yrs could be counted within half the fingers on a hand.

After a a certain age, single men and women come across a lot of similar singles, but no one trusts the other one as in – oh he isn’t really looking for commitment, oh she isn’t looking to settle down. And then problems of all the past baggage, and looking back. And also the inability to like really really get interested in someone — you know THAT interest that makes one pursue and pursue. And then scares of ruining friendships through romance. and most would be commitment phobes. I mean look at it this way, some one who was predisposed towards commitment, would have already committed earlier than reach a 30 years, right? :)So all in all, you have a whole bunch of eligible people who are all so good together and none of them seem to be getting hitched. Oh well, so goes on life. lets see what the esteemed vatal nagaraj has in store for us the next few days in Bangalore :).

ciao
Amit

]]> By: smallsquirrel http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-164505 smallsquirrel Mon, 05 Feb 2007 10:12:16 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-164505 Good post, Anita!I think you raise a lot of important and interesting points. What I see here is what I saw in the 80's and 90's in the US. Women here are starting to realize that no matter what their families tell them, they do not need a man to help define them. Now, no one is saying that having a fulfilling relationship is unwanted, it's just that women are realizing that they do not need a man to complete them. And because of that realization, we are much much less likley to settle for a man that doesn't meet our (newly updated) standards. No longer is it enough for the man to simply have a job, be a good earner and look OK. We want someone who matches us intellectually, who has some sense of himself, who can contribute emotionally... and WANTS TO! Is this being too picky? Hell no! We've all seen the misery of aunts or friends or perhaps our own mothers suffer thru things that did not really fit. They did it out of necessity. And luckily we have different choices. Independence is good. If you cannot take care of yourself, what good are you to another? We must be whole in order to be functional in a relationship. Independance is sometimes not fun, but it is a necessity. Are some people too choosy? Maybe they are. Who is to tell. I married late by all standards (Indian and US) because until I met my husband I was not comfortable with the options I had. My parents thought I was being ridiculous and too choosy. I think I had every right to wait until I was sure. What I learned is that it is much better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. If you do not value yourself, you cannot expect others to follow suit. Good post, Anita!I think you raise a lot of important and interesting points. What I see here is what I saw in the 80’s and 90’s in the US. Women here are starting to realize that no matter what their families tell them, they do not need a man to help define them. Now, no one is saying that having a fulfilling relationship is unwanted, it’s just that women are realizing that they do not need a man to complete them. And because of that realization, we are much much less likley to settle for a man that doesn’t meet our (newly updated) standards.

No longer is it enough for the man to simply have a job, be a good earner and look OK. We want someone who matches us intellectually, who has some sense of himself, who can contribute emotionally… and WANTS TO! Is this being too picky? Hell no! We’ve all seen the misery of aunts or friends or perhaps our own mothers suffer thru things that did not really fit. They did it out of necessity. And luckily we have different choices.

Independence is good. If you cannot take care of yourself, what good are you to another? We must be whole in order to be functional in a relationship. Independance is sometimes not fun, but it is a necessity.

Are some people too choosy? Maybe they are. Who is to tell. I married late by all standards (Indian and US) because until I met my husband I was not comfortable with the options I had. My parents thought I was being ridiculous and too choosy. I think I had every right to wait until I was sure.

What I learned is that it is much better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. If you do not value yourself, you cannot expect others to follow suit.

]]> By: Vinod http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-159143 Vinod Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:26:37 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-159143 Hi Anita, Vinod here, and Im into photography for hobby and I have been watching ur space 4 quite sometime and felt really intersting - both your blog and Flickr. I need a lot of help from you regarding techniques and lens details as Im going to invest in DSLR - Canon 400d( i heard that KIT lens is not good and i plan to get body & lens seperately, please sugggest me a good lens which has a MACRO, WIDEANGLE, TELEPHOTO - any 2 is enough, pls give me as many options as possible) and Good thoughts should be a click Away so, I have tagged you in my blog ,if you have any concerns regarding that then drop in a comment in my blog - http://www.invisiblechina.blogspot.com/ !!! Vinod Hi Anita,

Vinod here, and Im into photography for hobby and I have been watching ur space 4 quite sometime and felt really intersting — both your blog and Flickr. I need a lot of help from you regarding techniques and lens details as Im going to invest in DSLR — Canon 400d( i heard that KIT lens is not good and i plan to get body & lens seperately, please sugggest me a good lens which has a MACRO, WIDEANGLE, TELEPHOTO — any 2 is enough, pls give me as many options as possible) and Good thoughts should be a click Away so, I have tagged you in my blog ‚if you have any concerns regarding that then drop in a comment in my blog — http://www.invisiblechina.blogspot.com/ !!!

Vinod

]]> By: Anita http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-159127 Anita Wed, 24 Jan 2007 03:37:39 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-159127 @ usha: yes, it's is a rather perplexing situation that i've come across personally also where the individuals are wonderful people on their own, but still can't make it work together. Individuality is definitely valued very highly. But I'm not sure whether we've becoming more inflexible when it comes to give and take in a relationship. I most seriously hope that is not the case! I would tend to agree that people take much longer to decide and are probably more cautious before making choices today. You're definitely not antiquated in your thinking. But these aspects of life are changing today and along with it our attitudes also. As far as the queues go, thanks Usha for the vote of confidence ;)!! I will definitely let you know when I see it. Hehe! @ hyde: I think a woman would definitely give some kind of a signal if she wanted the man to know :) @ usha: yes, it’s is a rather perplexing situation that i’ve come across personally also where the individuals are wonderful people on their own, but still can’t make it work together. Individuality is definitely valued very highly. But I’m not sure whether we’ve becoming more inflexible when it comes to give and take in a relationship. I most seriously hope that is not the case! I would tend to agree that people take much longer to decide and are probably more cautious before making choices today. You’re definitely not antiquated in your thinking. But these aspects of life are changing today and along with it our attitudes also.

As far as the queues go, thanks Usha for the vote of confidence ;)!! I will definitely let you know when I see it. Hehe!

@ hyde: I think a woman would definitely give some kind of a signal if she wanted the man to know :)

]]> By: Hyde http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-158960 Hyde Tue, 23 Jan 2007 12:16:11 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-158960 How is a man to know whether the woman is interested? :) I wrote a post called "The Sale". The post isn't what it appears to be- look at it from a single man's point of view. How is a man to know whether the woman is interested? :)

I wrote a post called “The Sale”. The post isn’t what it appears to be– look at it from a single man’s point of view.

]]> By: Usha http://www.anitabora.com/blog/2007/01/23/the-view-from-here/comment-page-1/#comment-158958 Usha Tue, 23 Jan 2007 12:02:55 +0000 http://www.anitabora.com/blog/?p=441#comment-158958 Hey thanks for satisfying my curiosity on this count - I am not only curious but actually a bit perplexed at the situation because I find all these unmarried people of both sexes wonderful as people and as individuals. How come two nice people have difficulty being married - that is what bothers me. Or is it that the individualism is valued so highly even after marriage that there isn't much of give and take? But what worries me is the KANK kind of philosophy where people say that if we find something better outside what we have we want to break up and go for it. Is it why people are unwilling to commit as it may close doors on choices? Now somewhere or other should people not be willing to say "This is the best choice I made when I had the choice and now I will give it my best and make it work?" Or am I antiquated in my thinking. Meanwhile I still cant get over the fact that people haven't found you "eligible" yet - I'd have imagined a queue as long as the one outside the US consulate!Are all the men blind? Hey thanks for satisfying my curiosity on this count — I am not only curious but actually a bit perplexed at the situation because I find all these unmarried people of both sexes wonderful as people and as individuals. How come two nice people have difficulty being married — that is what bothers me. Or is it that the individualism is valued so highly even after marriage that there isn’t much of give and take?
But what worries me is the KANK kind of philosophy where people say that if we find something better outside what we have we want to break up and go for it. Is it why people are unwilling to commit as it may close doors on choices? Now somewhere or other should people not be willing to say “This is the best choice I made when I had the choice and now I will give it my best and make it work?” Or am I antiquated in my thinking.
Meanwhile I still cant get over the fact that people haven’t found you “eligible” yet — I’d have imagined a queue as long as the one outside the US consulate!Are all the men blind?

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