â€œBut let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.â€ ~~ Kahlil Gibran
Ever since I’ve known R : she wanted to find the man of her dreams and get married. I’ve rarely met someone with that objective so clear in their mind! I remember watching the movie â€œLife in a Metroâ€ and telling R how much Konkona’s character reminded me of her.
Over the years and our â€œsinglehoodâ€, R and I have had many discussions on finding â€œthe right manâ€. One question she often had was how she would know for sure when he came along! How does one know, really? Much airtime has been wasted (or not) in discussing the lack of good men (really, where are the guys?!) and the fact that our good years were slowly fading away.
I mostly enjoyed playing an elder sisterly role and (in my infinite wisdom!) usually tried to impart, what I hope, was good advice. You will know, when you meet him, I said. Things will fall into place. When the stars align everything will work out! And so on and so forth. Through our heartbreaks and setbacks, I often told her that things that are destined to happen, will happen and surely they would happen to her too. Very soon. â€œYou can’t rush things,â€ I said, they will happen when the time is right. Even my concerned dad took us to the famous Nabagraha temple in Guwahati while on a trip there and got our futures read to assure both of us that good things were in store.
Over the years, despite all my outward reassurances, I must admit that my own belief in love and romance, the institution of marriage, in happily wedded has received quite a knocking. Much as I would like to â€œbelieveâ€ I have also seen so many signs to the contrary, resulting in cynicism creeping in and the rose coloured spectacles I wore when I was younger getting clouded. From being let down, from expectations not being met (and what is life without some expectation?) and from a lot of disconnect. Do I expect too much or are people just not interested? :-p
I would, of course, like to believe in love and romance, in finding â€œthe oneâ€, but it’s difficult to muster that blind faith anymore. When I was eighteen and starry eyed, yes. But older and wiser, as they say, and things don’t quite seem the same.
So despite it all, it gives me small pleasure that eventually R did meet the man of her dreams and tied the knot. While I watched – sometimes in admiration and sometimes in fascination at how fast things can move in someone else’s life (at least compared to mine!), I was thrilled to see R&A’s relationship develop, mature and go straight to the altar!
I for one, am so glad that R is finally hitched. At least that way we will now be spared of her existential questions (and multiple smses) like, â€œwhy not me?â€, â€œwhere is the man I am supposed to marry?â€ and â€œwhen will I ever meet him?â€ and â€œwhy am I the unlucky one?’ These kind of questions, as you can imagine, are quite hard to answer ;-p
Through these years, R never gave up hope though. She went about her mission with admirable enthusiasm despite the many roadblocks! I think one thing I admire her for is her single minded focus about what she wanted. And maybe that worked in the end. She did find the man and she did make everyone including herself happy by tying the knot.
Meanwhile, I still wonder sometimes about life and love and its related complications. Though my mom often complains constantly about the â€œsingle statusâ€ of both her daughters, I jokingly ask her â€œwhy change what is working fine?â€ I try and convince her that at least we’re happy. But I realize that her goal is not our happiness, but of changing our status.
I still remain unsure about marriage and wedded bliss. (Or it might be for the simple reason that no one’s actually asked :-). Have I been on my own for too long now and gotten too used to it? What I do miss though is someone being an intrinsic part of my life and sharing and doing things together. And that is a partnership that is so much harder to achieve.
But a friend’s wedding always makes me happy. It’s a time for celebrations, for love, laughter and friends to get together. And to reinforce some of those faded beliefs.
For R&A, wishing both of them loads and loads of happiness and good times together.
R – the singles club will miss you! 🙂
A : we’ll be there when you need a shoulder to cry on :-p
Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single. ~Author Unknown