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And where the hell is James Bond?

This photograph, taken by Jace in Pune reminds of a rather funny (in hindsight) encounter I had in Guwahati, when in college.

There were 3 of us who decided to go for a movie – afternoon show. The name seemed pretty innocent (in fact we thought it was Bond movie) – Licenced to Kill. We should have known something was amiss when there wasn’t a single woman in the queue for tickets. But we were too preoccupied with girlie chatter to really worry. Plus, the hall wasn’t known for showing ‘sidey’ movies.

Anyway, we got into the hall. We could actually feel the strange vibes from the men giving us looks. But we still didn’t realize something was amiss since we were used to men behaving that way when they see anything that resembles a female form.

It started off innocently enough. A car chase sequence happened. We were actually beginning to enjoy ourselves.

About ½ hour into the movie, we realised that there wasn’t much of a story and the woman who kept appearing was wearing suspiciously little. But we got really alarmed when she started removing whatever little she had on.

And she also started doing really strange things. Now, since none of us were accustomed to what these movies were all about, we were still not sure as to what we were witnessing.

Then it started getting weirder. The woman who had removed all her objects of clothing was then adorning her body parts with metal wire thingies that looked really painful.

Uh oh, clucked pal #1.

I was trying to be nonchalant. This is an English movie, I said bravely.

What movie did we come for, asked pal # 2.

Um, a Bond flick, I said a little hesitantly.

And where the hell is Bond asked the pal, getting a little aggressive now.

I must admit she had a point.

Why hadn’t we realised that we couldn’t be watching a Bond movie, without James Bond in it?! And all we had seen for over 40 minutes was a woman subjecting herself and her body parts to what we thought was sheer torture.

Should we leave, I asked?

Pal #1 and #2 contemplated about it for a bit, like I was asking them to solve the world’s population problem.

Let’s check it out for a while longer, suggested pal # 2. Maybe this is some kind of a teaser?

It was a teaser all right, but it was definitely not doing anything for us.

Finally, three of us slunk out of the hall.

Peeking closely into the poster on the way out, we read what it really said: Licenced to Thrill.

Obviously, it was a while before any one of ventured out to watch a Bond movie again!


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