Films
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And where the hell is James Bond?

This photograph, taken by Jace in Pune reminds of a rather funny (in hindsight) encounter I had in Guwahati, when in college.

There were 3 of us who decided to go for a movie – afternoon show. The name seemed pretty innocent (in fact we thought it was Bond movie) – Licenced to Kill. We should have known something was amiss when there wasn’t a single woman in the queue for tickets. But we were too preoccupied with girlie chatter to really worry. Plus, the hall wasn’t known for showing ‘sidey’ movies.

Anyway, we got into the hall. We could actually feel the strange vibes from the men giving us looks. But we still didn’t realize something was amiss since we were used to men behaving that way when they see anything that resembles a female form.

It started off innocently enough. A car chase sequence happened. We were actually beginning to enjoy ourselves.

About ½ hour into the movie, we realised that there wasn’t much of a story and the woman who kept appearing was wearing suspiciously little. But we got really alarmed when she started removing whatever little she had on.

And she also started doing really strange things. Now, since none of us were accustomed to what these movies were all about, we were still not sure as to what we were witnessing.

Then it started getting weirder. The woman who had removed all her objects of clothing was then adorning her body parts with metal wire thingies that looked really painful.

Uh oh, clucked pal #1.

I was trying to be nonchalant. This is an English movie, I said bravely.

What movie did we come for, asked pal # 2.

Um, a Bond flick, I said a little hesitantly.

And where the hell is Bond asked the pal, getting a little aggressive now.

I must admit she had a point.

Why hadn’t we realised that we couldn’t be watching a Bond movie, without James Bond in it?! And all we had seen for over 40 minutes was a woman subjecting herself and her body parts to what we thought was sheer torture.

Should we leave, I asked?

Pal #1 and #2 contemplated about it for a bit, like I was asking them to solve the world’s population problem.

Let’s check it out for a while longer, suggested pal # 2. Maybe this is some kind of a teaser?

It was a teaser all right, but it was definitely not doing anything for us.

Finally, three of us slunk out of the hall.

Peeking closely into the poster on the way out, we read what it really said: Licenced to Thrill.

Obviously, it was a while before any one of ventured out to watch a Bond movie again!

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9 Comments

  1. something like this happened to me (but not quite so pondy! this was in London) – I took two of my sceptical friends to watch this really raved about movie and the movie turned out to be in French – which none of us could understand… I sat between two totally annoyed men trying to ignore their dirty looks – urging them to concentarte on the sporadic subtitles 🙂 those were kadki student days when we could not even afford to write off the 6 pounds we’d sepnt on the tickets!

  2. Well, I took my friends to watch Kill Bill, which they thoroughly enjoyed. As did I.

    Then, when Kill Bill-2 was released, I pestered my friends to watch it with me. While I sat enjoying the movie whole-heartedly, none of the others got a bit of it. Heck, they hated it.

    I still get taunted at my choice, even now, when I suggest a movie.

    P.S. Forgot to mention, I love Tarantino, and have been a martial artist for about 11 years now. 😉

  3. I have my own share of tale …a college friends Uncle planned to run a Theatre in Thane ,and that I was to get a free ride from college I “volunteered” to play raju guide . We reached the theatre just around when “morning show” was to be over I had snacks in Managers Cabin and walked out of theatre ,my timimg was so very perfect that the “Morning Show” was over and there I was walking out with the crowd ..and the kicker a bhery bhery beautiful Gal from my school days was in queue for Matinee Show with her buddies the look on her face and ..well I last I heard of her was “she is somewhere in US married & Bhell settled”

    A funny memory for rocking chair >

  4. i wish something like that happens to me sometime 🙁

    i would love to be at such a movie… heheheeee

    devilish me !!

  5. i like reading you have diary….im from indonesia…
    speak english not good…but im try for to understand..

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